So, just so you know, the reason that song is playing with the slide-show (see post below)is because while we were there, that song came on the radio, and the whole house exploded! All of the kids, mine inlcuded, starting singing their hearts out to that song, so it has a special meaning to me now. Just click the x to move it out of the way while watching the slide show.
Okay........I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update the blog. Where do I start? I have put off writing this report of our trip to Alabama because I have so many intense feelings that I struggle to put it into words, and even moreso down on paper. We had such an incredible experience, really, that I don’t want to cheapen it by my inability to express my thoughts. Having prefaced with that, I think I’ll write this in the form of a journal.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
We leave Indianapolis around 10:30am and 9 hours of driving (really great kids, overall) gets us to Pell City, Alabama. We arrived with only 2 kids with pee accidents, and no blood and a minimal amount of screaming. Not bad. We stayed in a small Ramada Limited hotel, which was great. Free hot breakfast, etc. Anyway, we arrived and called Grandma Looney and let her know we were there. The whole family (15 people) arrived soon after and poured into the small waiting room of the hotel. We were a little nervous and not sure what to expect. They all just came in and started hugging us and talking to us, with no weird pretense or anything. Within 10 minutes, we were family. The kids were running and chasing each other down the hall to the room and back, everyone was taking turns posing for pics with Samara, we were comparing Sam’s nose and smile and dimples and bum crack to everyone elses. (Anyone who knows Samara knows that try as she might, she is unable to hide her bumcrack. When she was a baby we’d show her unusually long bumcrack to people for a good laugh.) It was hilarious. So many variations of my daughter were just standing there in one room. Let me quickly explain who is in the family and how and where they fit in. Doris is the Grandmother. The majority of the family lives with her. Her son, Ryan, is Samara’s birthfather. He lives down the street from Delores with his new wife Janet, and Janet’s 2 boys from a different relationship. They are Javares and Katrell, 3 & 4 years old. Janet and Ryan together have a baby girl, Makaya, who is a year and a half. She is everyone’s baby sister, and boy does she know it. That little girl can work a crowd. She is close to 40 lbs. Solid as a rock. Also living with Ryan now are the 3 oldest teenagers: Keisha (17), Shonda (16), Brandy (14). But they spend the majority of their time at Grandma Looney’s, as well. Everyone else lives at Doris’ house. That includes Ryan, Jr. (15), JJ (13), Taz (11), Karston (9), Anjija (8), Bo (Doris’ youngest son), and Shawn (Doris’ nephew who is recovering from a kidney transplant), and Doris. So, that is 8 at the apartment, and 8 in the trailer. Close quarters.
So, back to our adventure... After visiting for a little while, we all took a drive to see some Christmas lights, we visited some more, and then they went home. Now, Doris takes a good amount of pride in taking care of her family, and I wanted to give her the money that everyone contributed ($1650) sooner rather than later, so she could use it for Christmas. I had to tread lightly and try and relay the respect with which it was given, and not offend by giving the impression that we thought of her as a charity project, or less than us in any way. With all my heart I prayed that she’d accept it with the true intent that we were giving it. So, I quietly slipped it to her, letting her know that there are many people that love Samara and that respect Doris for keeping these kids together and taking on such responsibility. She didn’t really say anything, and I worried. James later expressed privately his similar sentiments of gratitude to her. We had to just hope we didn’t offend her.
The next morning we took our little family to church (the nearest LDS church was about a 1/2 hour away). What a nightmare. Abraham was in prime bratty form, and joining him was Elijah on the floor, Samara who wouldn’t stop crying, and Kiah who was embarrassed to be new, so she walked in with her coat over her head and kept it there most of the meeting. Being that we were in the south, and we were a transracial family, I don’t doubt we would have made a spectacle without all the bells and whistles added in by my darling children. I’m sure that congregation is still talking about that weird family that came to town on Christmas. Anyway, we then went up to see the Looney home.
We have a GPS system that got us most of the way, but they live so far back in the boonies that we had to call them for directions. They live at the end of a dirt road at the end of a town street that loops around full of long lost cousins and other various relatives from way back. This town was dilapidated and barely surviving. Really backwoods Alabama at it’s best, mostly trailers and broken down houses. Now, I want to describe their home, but I want to preface it with the fact that Doris Looney keeps immaculate care of her grandkids and of the home she’s been given. I wish so much that I could give her a new trailer. They live in an OLD double-wide trailer on a hill up a dirt road. The cement blocks meant to stabilize and balance the trailer are all tilting at precarious angles downward and it’s a wonder we didn’t all go tumbling down the hill! When you walk into the trailer, the first thing you notice is that half of it is collapsing down said slope. The couch is at an angle, and if you were to drop something in the kitchen, it would roll right out the door. The whole thing is falling apart, and there are holes and missing pieces throughout the house. There are beds stuffed wall to wall in each of the rooms to accomadate the family members. The bathroom floor is half missing. There are frequently bugs crawling in the holes, and climbing up the walls. There is a heating unit in the hallway that is basically an open gas flame. I stressed every second I couldn’t see Abe about him lighting himself or all of us on fire. They also turn on the oven and open it to heat the place. It is sad, because she deserves so much more. As rickety and scary as this little trailer was, it was clean, beds made, dishes done, floors swept. She is my hero.
Because they live out in the middle of nowhere, there is a lot of room to run. That first day we were there we had beautiful weather and the kids had free reign of the hillside. They followed the doggies, and played football, and rolled down the hill to their hearts desire. The little girls (Karston, Kiah, Anija, Samara, and a cousin from down the street) all formed a group and hung out together giggling. The boys explored an old creek bed, jumped on an old trampoline across the way, and chased the puppies. The teenagers hung around laughing and talking to us, watching the younger ones. Then, when it got dark, all 22 of us piled in the trailer and ate chicken and listened to music. The teenage boy, Ryan Jr., was wonderful and humored Kiah and played with her (she loves older boys), and James got to visit quite a bit with Ryan, her birthfather, as well. I visited with Janet and got to know her, as well as the other older ones, and snuggled and played with the baby Kayia; known as “princess Kyia” and for good reason. She kind of joins the two families together and belongs to everyone.
I’m trying to paint the picture here for you. It literally was instant family. These children are all well-behaved, happy children with big open hearts that welcomed us in. Grandma Looney was gone for a few hours buying shoes and stuff for kids, but once she got back she was constantly in the background doing for someone or cleaning, and visiting with us. Life is hard for them, and they have so little, but they are happy. You’d never know how much they really are in need of monetarily, and I doubt the kids realize it, either. They struggled a lot with their mother, but she has lost custody, and now Doris is their legal guardian. She is truly an incredible lady. She opens her home to one and all. Her other adult son lives with them, and she took in her grown nephew and cared for him before, during and after his kidney surgery. The 3 days we were there, a number of people we didn’t know came and went and all were welcomed with food and a good laugh.
So, the next day we wanted to do something fun with the group, but anything fun (not much close to where they lived) was closed. So we found a hotel about a 1/2 hour away (in the town where the church was) with an indoor pool. We thought that would be a fun thing we could all do together. So we packed all up (not easy to do with a family of six, and packed food because we’re cheap) and checked out of our $50 a night hotel and went to a $90 a night hotel specifically for the pool. We get there and the lady at the front desk says only 6 people at a time are aloud in the pool, and we are absolutely forbidden to make any noise. Now, with a group our size, can you imagine no noise??? There is so much laughter and talking and teasing, that we put up quiet a racket. Anyway, I don’t know why this lady was such a stick in the mud, but it foiled our plans. So, we grudgingly checked in, and then drove all the way back to Grandma Looneys and just hung out there again that night. We bought pizza and had a pizza party. I was amazed at how willing they were to spend their whole Christmas holiday with us. Even the teenagers participated and played and line danced with us. We stayed there until late Christmas Eve night, and then went back to the hotel and watched Disney Channel (a rare treat for our kids, since we got rid of cable). The next morning we did our own Christmas lesson (we had already opened our presents the Friday before, except for the one present Santa would leave at our house at Christmas waiting for the kids to get home). Then we took advantage of the $60 extra dollars we were paying to stay in that hotel for 2 nights and swam for a few hours. We then drove back to the Looney’s to see what the kids got and enjoy them for one last day.
It was so fun to see the teenagers all dressed in their new boots with new MP3 players, or cell phones. By the time we got there, everyone was washed and hair done perfectly and playing with their new stuff. I don’t know how she did it. I was just able to put braid spray in my kids hair and call it good. She’s so amazing! Anywhooo…everyone was all smiles, and Doris had bought each of my kids a gift, so the kids went straight there to play with the others. It was one big, loud, ruckus of fun! James (my hubby) and Taz were chasing each other down with the nerf guns, the older girls were teaching the baby how to do the Soulja boy dance, we played Battleship team style, with 4 of the girls on my side, and 4 on the other. So much food, music, laughter all stuffed into one tiny, dilapidated double-wide on cement blocks. I will never forget the intense feelings of love and humility I felt that day. These people had become my family and I was sad to leave them. I learned so many things about them, too. Did you know that none of them had ever been more than 30 minutes away from their house? I brought Samara’s scrapbook with me so they could see what she looked like as a baby, and they saw pictures of a zoo and Disneyland, and Bryce Canyon and couldn’t even imagine seeing a real animal that close, or riding a roller coaster. There are so many things that I take for granted. On the same token, I realized that I put too much emphasis on things that are not all that important. This family had love overflowing in that little home of theirs.
There was only one awkward moment during the whole trip and that was when her birthmom changed her mind and decided to come over to see Samara. We didn’t know she was coming, and then she just showed up. Initially we were so excited about that. Samara had dad run to get the present we bought for her in hopes of seeing her. She was so antsy to see her, but Muriel walked in and wouldn’t look at Samara. Remember she has lost custody of all of her children, so it was an emotionally charged event, anyway, made all the more intense because she had never seen Samara before. Everyone was looking around at each other and crying, and she still wasn’t acknowledging Sam. I squeezed Sam’s hand and gave her a smile and told her to be patient, because Muriel was nervous, too. But after a few moments, Samara was looking insecure and Momma Bear had to take over. I marched Sam right up to her, so she couldn’t ignore her and Sam said, “Hi, I’m Sammy. I brought this for you.” She handed the necklace to Muriel, and Muriel hugged her, while crying. Of course, I was a total wreck. I stood back and let them have their space. Muriel didn’t really talk to her, and then she turned away, so I stepped back in and told Sam to go play with the other girls. Luckily, she is a pretty happy go lucky kid, so she turned and went to play. Muriel went out the door to leave. This woman gave birth to my daughter and placed her in my home, and I couldn’t just let her walk away without expressing my gratitude, so I ran outside in the rain, so it was just her and I, and I told her how much I loved her and Samara, and how I appreciated her having the courage to come up and meet Samara and that it would mean a lot to her as she got older and understood things more. She didn’t look at me, but I could tell she was listening. I gave her a quick hug and ran back in the house. I assumed she left, but a few minutes later, she came back in, more calm, and started talking to Samara for a few minutes and visiting with her kids. It was a really big deal for her to do that. By that time the tension was over and all the kids were playing and adults visiting again, so her visit ended on a positive note. As difficult and tense as that meeting was, I’m grateful for it. I hope it helps her heal, as well.
The time finally came to say good-bye, and there were tears all around. We finally made it out the door, with such a feeling of contentment and satisfaction that our time and money was so well spent. It was really hard to just leave. I felt like I was leaving my sisters and brothers, not knowing if/when I’d see them again. I know and they know that Samara was meant to be with us, and that we were all meant to be a family. I thank God for the opportunity to go and visit them and have them as part of our family’s life. Samara loved all the attention and very easily separated her birthfamily from her forever family, and didn’t seem to be confused at all. We’ve always talked to our kids about adoption and their special history, so it wasn’t a shock. We have a good relationship with Abraham’s birthfamily, as well, so it’s not new territory. I think she just accepted it as fact, and loves having a big family.
The day we got home I was on the computer pricing Double-wide trailers and tour bus rentals. Wishing I could buy them a new trailer, or drive them all to Disneyworld on a bus. I know that it’s not possible now, and that they’ll get along fine without these things, but I would sure love to do something like that someday. Anyway, all dreaming aside, I am so grateful to everyone who opened up their hearts and wallets to help this family have a happy Christmas. Ever since November when we were impressed to do this, people's generosity has touched our hearts and given us the merriest Christmas ever. We had 2 months of praying for this family, and talking about them, and thinking about this trip. Our kids got into it, and subsequently didn’t ask us what would happen to their Christmas. There were no long lists of requested presents, or begging for toys. In fact, it was a bit difficult for James and I to decide what to buy our kids, since nothing really stood out as perfect gifts. It was absolutely wonderful. We spent our best Christmas staying in a hotel in Nowhere, Alabama, and couldn’t be happier about it. Thank you, again, to all of you for your kind hearts.
Love,
Shanti & family
I do have a happy ending to this story. Other than Abe and all of us singing the song "Abey is a little pip, he pooped on the pirate ship" for days on end, he learned a lesson. As of last Sunday, he is diaper free except for bed. YIPPEEEEEE!! I feel like we both should get an award. I really thought we wouldn't see this day, ever. He has all of a sudden become a big boy. My baby. I guess it's time for a new one, huh? He keeps begging for a baby, along with the other 3 partners in crime. I guess by Hoffman standards we're behind! :) Anyway....my bed is calling my name.
